Taking Care of Your Feelings
What You Can Expect
- What kinds of feelings are "normal"? There is no "right"
way to feel; the important thing is to handle your emotions in a way that
works for you. Many survivors find that the key for them is talking their
feelings out-with family and friends, health professionals, other patients,
and counselors such as clergy and psychotherapists.
- The following stories show the range of feelings that many cancer survivors
have. Each of them is a normal reaction that is often part of the cancer
survivor's life.
- "In the first 6 months after my cancer treatment, I saw my cancer
more as a threat to my life plans for marriage and a career than I did as
a threat to my life. I felt the most depressed and anxious during the first
3 months, but then I started to get back to normal. I say started, because
I'm not sure I'm there yet. It's getting better, but I still feel a little
off balance." -Marcia B.
- "I don't intend to focus on cancer for the rest of my life. I follow
my care plan but I don't dwell on the disease or talk about it to others.
Some (I suppose) well-meaning people at the office said that my reaction
is called denial, and that it is bad for me. I talked about it with the
doctor, and he said denial can be positive when it helps you get on with
your life. I have my ups and downs like every one else, but I feel good
about the way I'm handling my disease."-Joe K.
- "I have to say that there's been one positive result of my having
had cancer. It made me look at the real possibility of my own death, something
I had never thought much about before. That made me take a hard look at
my life and decide what really mattered to me. As a survivor, I now see
every day as a precious gift."-Vicki W.
- "My cancer treatment ended 10 years ago, but I still get anxious
every time I go in for a checkup. The nurse told me that's a common reaction."-Dave
L.
- "I was very surprised at how few of my friends really made the
effort to 'be there' for me. I talked to the nurse about this during my
last checkup. She said that people often want to help but they don't know
how-and they may be embarrassed to ask. So I decided to make the first move
with some of the people I cared about most. It was hard, but I think I broke
down a wall when I spoke openly about my feelings and my needs. I feel much
more in touch and supported now -Rhonda L.
- "My cancer has led to some difficult family situations. The hardest
thing was learning to adjust to different family roles. My wife went back
to work during my recovery, and my teenage daughter had to take care of
the house. As I got better, none of us was sure what roles were 'normal'
and my daughter especially didn't want any changes that limited her independence.
At that point the doctor suggested family therapy. I had my doubts, but
seeing the real problems behind the obvious problems made a difference.
After we worked through solutions together, I think we're closer now than
ever before."-Ralph Y.
- "The most important source of hope and support for me has been
my faith in God. When I face my fears and uncertainties, I know I'm not
alone."-Frances C.
- "Surviving cancer has been not one condition but many. It was such
happiness at the birth of a daughter in the midst of concerns about the
future. It was the joy of eating Chinese food for the first time after radiation
burns in my esophagus had healed. It has been the anxiety of waiting for
test results and the fear that the cancer would recur. It has been having
a positive attitude and wanting to strangle the people who told me that
was all it would take."-Frank T.
- "People have recovered from every type of cancer, no matter how
gloomy the first reports. Yes, we're all going to die someday of something.
But I plan to push that day back as far as I can, and to go out fighting
whenever the time comes."-Betty R.
Briefs
- Surviving Cancer-Hopeful Trends
- There are over 8 million cancer survivors in America today.
- If lung cancer deaths were excluded, cancer mortality would have declined
14 percent between 1950 and 1990.
- The number of people who have survived cancer for 5 or more years has
increased significantly since 1973 for cancers of the colon, stomach, testis,
and bladder, and for Hodgkin's disease and leukemia.
- Studies show that for most patients the emotional upset after cancer
diagnosis and treatment decreases over time.
Tips for Coping With Survivor Stress
- The following tips come from the experiences of survivors in the American
Cancer Society's "I Can Cope" program. They are adapted from ideas
appearing in a book, I Can Cope-Staying Healthy With Cancer, coauthored
by the program's cofounder, Judi Johnson.
- Be kind to yourself. Instead of telling yourself you can't do something
you should do, focus on what you can do and what you want to do. Instead
of telling yourself you look awful, think of ways to make the most of your
best features.
- Help others. Reaching out to someone else can reduce the stress caused
by brooding.
- Don't be afraid to say no. Polite but firm refusals help you stay in
control of your life.
- Talk about your concerns. It's the best way to release them.
- Learn to pace yourself. Stop before you get tired.
- Give in sometimes. Not every argument is worth winning.
- Get enough exercise. It's a great way to get rid of tension and aggression
in a positive way.
- Take time for activities you enjoy, whether it's a hobby, club, or special
project.
- Take one thing at a time. If you're feeling overwhelmed, divide your
list into manageable parts.
- Set priorities. Don't try to be Superman or Superwoman.
- Solve problems like an expert. First, identify the problem and write
it down, so it's clear in your mind. Second, list your options with the
pros and cons of each. Third, choose a plan. Fourth, list the steps to accomplish
it. Then give yourself a deadline and act. Sometimes just having a plan
can reduce the stress of the problem.
- Eat properly.
- Get enough sleep.
- Laugh at least once a day.
- Is a Survivors' Group Right
- If you answer "yes" to most of the following questions, joining
a cancer survivors' group may be a positive step for you.
- Are you comfortable sharing your feelings with others in a similar situation?
- Are you interested in hearing others' feelings about their experiences?
- Could you benefit from the advice of others who have gone through cancer
treatment?
- Do you enjoy being part of a group?
- Do you have helpful information or hints to share with others?
- Would reaching out to support other cancer survivors give you satisfaction?
- Would you feel comfortable working with survivors who have different
ways of facing forward?
- Are you interested in learning more about cancer and survivor issues?
- Focus on the positive. If you have a setback, think about all of the
good things you've done.
Options for Getting Emotional Support
- Join a cancer survivors' group.
- Ask your doctor, nurse, or social worker about programs available at
local hospitals.
- Call your local cancer support organizations, including the American
Cancer Society, which may sponsor groups in your area. Check the telephone
book for contact information.
- Talk to your family and friends.
- Help them understand how they can help you.
- Talk about their needs for support.
- Talk to your clergyman or clergywoman.
- Consider professional mental health assistance.
- Consult a psychologist, nurse therapist, clinical social worker, or
psychiatrist.
- For marital or family issues, consult a licensed or family therapist.
- Work with someone on the medical team to solve problems.
- Get help in dealing with your hospital, clinic, or health maintenance
organization.
- Ask about health concerns that cause you stress.
- Support yourself.
- Draw on your own strength.
- Read about how others cope. Ask at your local bookstore for accounts
by cancer survivors.
- Reach out to others.
- Helping others can help you feel stronger and more in control.
- For some people, helping other cancer survivors is a satisfying way
to reach out.
Resources
ADDITIONAL READING
- Taking Time: Support for People With Cancer and the People Who
Care About Them
Discusses the emotional side of cancer- how to deal with the disease and
learn to talk with friends, family members, and others about cancer. Available
free of charge by calling the National Çancer Institute's Cancer
Information Service at 1-800-4 CANCER.
- Newsletters
- The Networker
National Coalition for Cancer Survivorship
1010 Wayne Avenue, 5th Floor
Silver Spring, MD 20910
(301) 650-8868
- Surviving
Pat Fobair
Stanford University Medical Center
Department of Radiation Oncology
Division of Radiation Therapy, Room H013
300 Pasteur Drive
Stanford, CA 94305
(415) 723-7881
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
- Cancer Survivor Groups
- To find out about groups in your area, contact:
- Your local Cancer Information Service at 1-800-4-CANCER.
- Your local office of the American Cancer Society at 1-800-ACS-2345.
- Your hospital social services department.
- Family Concerns
- To help alleviate or resolve tensions that cancer may cause in families
and other close relation ships, the following associations can provide referrals
to marriage and family counselors:
- Your local Cancer Information Service at 1-800-4-CANCER.
- Your local religious and community social service agencies (check the
yellow pages for the telephone numbers).
- Your local senior centers.
- Your local community mental health centers.
- American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy1100 17th Street,
NW Washington, DC 20036 (202)452-0109
- American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (ASECT)
Suite 1717
435 North Michigan Avenue Chicago, IL 60611 (312)644-0828
- American Family Therapy Association 2020 Pennsylvania Avenue Suite 273
Washington, DC 20006 (202)944-2776
- National Association of Social Workers 750 First Street, NE Suite 700
Washington, DC 20020 (202)408-8600